The Succubus Reconsidered: Sexuality in Sleep Paralysis
Posted by Ryan Hurd on June 25, 2010
This piece about sexual spirit encounters and ghost rape is adapted from chapter 6 of my ebook Sleep Paralysis: A Dreamer’s Guide.
The historic fears of succubi and incubi must be reconsidered in light of contemporary psychology. As the medical community disregarded the narratives of sleep paralysis until David Hufford’s ground-breaking work in the 1970s, we would be making the same mistake if we chalk up the old tales of sexual demons to “merely legend.”
Modern dreamers still have sexual experiences in sleep paralysis, and ghost rape is still whispered about in anonymous and private settings. I have already discussed how alien encounters are one popular interpretation of the sensations of being forcibly touched by an entity (seen and unseen) while paralyzed in bed. Other cultural interpretations today include demons of the devil (evangelical Christianity) and a visit by the spirit form of a dark magician (indigenous shamanism).
Jungian psychologists may interpret spectral rape as a “vampire complex,” representing an imbalanced relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, or perhaps hinting at memories of incest. Dreamers with a history of sexual abuse may be more likely to experience flashbacks during sleep paralysis/hypnagogic hallucinations (SP/HH). Similarly, survivors of trauma also may incorporate flashbacks into HH.
However it is viewed, I think it is important to not “interpret away” the actual encounter. These things happen, and they are a natural, although disturbing, part of human experience.
We’re Wired for Sexual Dreams
The physiology of the dream state may be one reason why sexual content is so often reported. In the REM state, our muscles are in paralysis but the body is in a state of excitement. Even though sleep paralysis doesn’t feel like a dream, it has been shown in the lab that the experience occurs during REM intrusion after awakening or just after falling asleep. In REM sleep, whenever it occurs, men typically get erections, and women’s genitalia become engorged. Orgasms have been documented countless times in dream labs, and in sexual lucid dreams it is possible to experience orgasm too. Dreaming sleep is simply a sexy place to be.
Even when we are scared, and sometimes because we are scared, sexual excitement does not diminish. Sexuality and terror are deeply intertwined, neurologically speaking. So it’s not that outlandish to believe the medieval court documents in which men tell of being forced to have sex with mysterious she-demons and witches, even though this testimony was used in service of misogyny and the destruction of indigenous religious practices.
Positive Sexual Encounters in SP/HH
However, some sexual SP/HH encounters are not necessarily unpleasant. For dreamers who do not have a traumatized past, sexual play during hypnagogic hallucinations can be healthy and exciting. This was brought to my attention when one reader from my website admitted that he cherishes the ephemeral spirits who approach him at night. He reports excitement, pleasure, and mental orgasms during his SP-induced hallucinations. He does not seek these escapades but does not seem to mind too much, even though he admits it somewhat weird that the “spirit” sometimes is not altogether human.
In the book Dark Intrusions, Louis Proud also has collected reports of spectral sex that are erotic, albeit deeply weird. As with lucid dreaming, sensuality can be safely explored in this private mental arena.
I don’t treat these experiences like a “fantasy world,” however. There are always psychological repercussions to any act, thought, or way of being. Also, as with lucid dreaming and waking life, these encounters can be more pleasurable if they are not goal-oriented, but rather based on intimacy and consensual action. If the encounter gets too weird, or compromises your safe boundaries, you can always wake up from sleep paralysis.
Spiritual Bypass and Chi Sucking Vampires
Close up of Henry Fuseli’s classic incubus in “the Nightmare”
As with all vision-states, one can become “addicted” to the inner adventure at the expense of healthy waking life. Psychologists call the unhealthy drive for ecstatic states “spiritual bypass,” and this concept may be at the root of the historically noted danger of falling in love with the spirits and nymphs of the inner world. After all, what ordinary and flawed human partner can compete with an alluring fantasy lover who comes only at night?
Sexual demons can reveal patterns in our romantic life, especially concerning how we give of ourselves. For men, repeated encounters with “sexual vampires” who seem to suck up inner resources or willpower may be reflective of an unhealthy sexual pattern in waking life. This encounter illustrates a “leak” of life force that may be unsustainable.
For women, not being able to stop the sexual advances of a night demon may be indicative of difficulties in drawing firm boundaries or deciding who is allowed to “enter your sphere.” Of course, these visions of energy imbalance (of chi-sucking and demon rape) can work for either gender, depending on character, personal history, sexual orientation, and gender identity.
In spite of these dangers, rest assured that in the 21st century no one will condemn you in a court of law for having intercourse with a night elf or a water pixie.
For more about the positive, and even life-changing, possibilities of sleep paralysis and hypnagogic visions, check out the Sleep Paralysis Kit, featuring my ebook Sleep Paralysis: A Dreamer’s Guide, and a lot more.
I’m also still collecting accounts of sexual encounters during SP/HH for my ongoing research (positive, negative and the deeply weird). Contact me using the form on my contact page. As always, I promise anonymity if you choose to share your experiences with me.
Hi Ryan, I couldn’t stop reading the comments. I have had episodes of sleep paralysis before. However, many times while I’m sleeping I have dreams of having intercourse with strangers “celebrities” even though I know is not. I know is something negative. I am happily married, don’t give me wrong however I do seem to enjoy it. Some dreams I have are scary and I can’t move. The dark figure seem to follow me, even though I had been awake I feel its presence and is very uncomfortable. Last night, I had a dream of having sex with a demon. I know it wasn’t the devil itself because it talked to me. Is like we knew each other. At the beginning I felt weird but then I started to enjoy it. We talked for a long time and he would leave and then come back. It felt like we liked each other is this is crazy! Is like I was having a real relationship with a demon! I am a christian and I’m very tormented right now … I can’t explain it.
Hi Joyce, I read this article and I’m convinced it’s half true… Demons are real.. Scientists cannot accept the notion of a spiritual realm because it cannot be weighed or measure or even grasped. Funny the Physicists would accept the notion of other dimensions… You must resist these dreams at all costs. Sex is a covenant, it seals the deal between bride and bridegroom when they consummate a marriage. When you have sex with a demon, you covenant yourself in the spiritual realm.
I am sorry but what u are saying is …Well…Silly.
But I don’t think it’s “Demons” trying to have sex with u. The Mind is a powerful thing and can do anything.And can See anything. It’s just dreaming.
Sex is sex.It’s amazing to have it with the one you love without waiting for marriage. If u wanna wait until marriage that’s ur call. Doesn’t mean it’s the “Right way”. What if sex between u and ur husband sucks? Then everything will collapse .Not to mention emotionally. If u don’t have chemistry sexually, then nothing will work.
Other than that..I had sexual dreams with male demons or ghosts and it was pretty exciting lol. I like this Article
hey ciao Ryan.. im Maria.. and im 23… and im italian… i was looking an answer about my situation… idk why.. but while i sleep sometime i feel a dark spirit around me trying to have sex with me… i been feeling this from some years ago.. before i didnt care so much.. and i was enjoying it.. but now that i am a Christian im starting to understand that is not good.. and probably is a demon doing that to me… today while i was taking a nap it happened again.. but i refuse him.. but he was keeping coming.. and trying to still have sex… and it was like a black shadow.. or like a smoke trying to touch me there.. it no have a form.. or face.. its just something that u feel.. and is there…. now im getting worry… :/ i really dont know what is that. and i no want that!!! :/
hey guys!im karen……17 yr old…….i feel the same too! i get these weird deams….and i wake up at night…and everytime that happens…..i feel lyk im being watched …even when im alone!!..all i do then is pray to mother marry…to protect me:-) and to stay by my side……it helps!!a lot!! the first time i experienced sleep paralysis thingy…i don exactly rmbr what was goin on.it was like someone or something was trying to take over me!cud hear a voice.very harsh and full of anger.and then a calm voice …..the only thing i rmbr repeating was..jesus help me!! i bliv that calm voice was jesus christ’s voice
believe in lord……
next time ul experience anything unusual try taking gods name
karen, I completely understand..!
My first dream was not sexual,, just horrific- sleep paralysis in my room and a daark shadow moving..
I was never religious, but when I was being “attacked” I, for soem reason started repeating
god will help me” in spanish over ad voer adn voer, until I was released
A year later or so, It was sexual with some non-human form,.
And now it has happened so frequently (once or twice a week that I’m so scared to sleep anymore becuase I alwasy feel it coming, Im getting excited in a dream, but then I realize that “it’s” coming again and start to force escape..
I have many lucid dreams , where I can’t move but now I can’t move and I feel like a demon or ghost is having sex with me I can’t move or speak I feel everything but see nothing when I pray ur goes away but one day I just let it go through
Hi Ryan, I have been having sex in my sleep for some time now. My husband wakes me up each time and I never seem to remember anything! I will be sleeping. Is it possible that something is having sex with me during my sleep? Am terrified at the thought…
I have demonic dreams about 1-3 times/month. Last night, I couldn’t see the force, but felt it was malicious. Somehow, at first, I was scared and then I found it pleasurable. It was performing oral sex on me and I actually orgasmed. It was like it could read my mind.
Other times, there is no sex and it’s just a force that is holding me down. When I try to call out for help, my voice is barely above a whisper. It’s very disturbing.
I first encounterd SP a couple of years ago, and found it very scary! i had a friend who had something very similar happen to him so i did some research. The first encounter was much like i had read about, a dark force pressing on my chest while i could even move a finger or scream or anything! but as the years have progressesd, they seem to be getting weirder and darker! i have had time when i wake to be in the middle of the room levitating with strange enterties in the room, these have started to have sex with me, i cant see them, but feel them, and there very demanding, sometimes occuring 3 times a night, the same sexual feelings (i can feel every movement)… i really dont know what to do about this, its becoming more and more regular and more sexual then before! i am going to try affirmations before going to bed to see if this helps, its not healthy to be exchanging that energy with something/someone/pressence whom is only there when your asleep…. Can you give me any other advice about how to prevent them from being so sexual? Thanks Ryan
Hi im Deon’te. Im only 12 and im going through this stuff. Im really confused… Im a christian but this seems to happen very often. For about 5 years now! Idk whats going on… I’ve done some research but there always seems to be something negative, and something negative. The other night (April 12, 2013) I woke up during the encounter and i saw like a shadow. Then I closed my eyes (not asleep yet) and I was at my school. I saw a beautiful girl sitting there and I asked are you ok. She said, yes im okay. She got up and walked up to me. I stepped back, (resisting) I asked are you one of those mysterious succubus girls. She told me, Look, im only doing this for my health now come closer. I Ran away. I opened my eyes and the SP was still happening. I prayed. I said, GOD, give me the strength. The SP was over I got up and the clock said 3:00 am and I didn’t sleep the rest of that day. I’m paranoid and idk what to do.
Hi Deon’te. welcome to my site. I’m sorry to hear about your concerns, but want to reassure you that these experiences are normal… they are surprisingly common actually, but people don’t often talk about it in public. I would encourage you to tell your folks or your school counselor about these experiences, as they can be treatable. Here’s an article I wrote about ways to prevent SP from happening more — many of the tips are about learning ways to relax before sleep, and also working with your own faith to draw strength. http://dreamstudies.org/2011/04/12/10-ways-to-prevent-sleep-paralysis/
Thats the worst abvice ever, hardly anyone understands this process and poor deonte would probably end up in an asylum pumped full of drugs at the word of his “folks” unless you just have really awesome parents. Best thing to do would be to meditate concentrate your power build a mental sword that you can draw in your sleep, most lucid dreamers have a certain item that they use to invoke the power of choice in their dreams. Meditate everyday unti it is powerful, on a sword or some weapon that cannot be stopped or rivaled and slay the spirits that bring you negativity.
hey Atlas, your lucid dreaming technique sounds interesting but it pales in comparison to reaching out to your community when suffering from something like this. We’ll never teach the world about these nightmares if we are afraid to talk about it for fear of labels. I suffered from that fear for too long myself.
In my childhood I still remember dreaming while I went to sleep some of those strange man picking me up and touching me and making noise and I felt electricuted which is stranger fear but I didn’t know at all.What were they doing to me. One made noise while he was bouncing me like a ball. When I was 10 years old I got used but after I felt was too big for it as it didn’t occur at all. Does anyone know this dream was supposed to tell me.
hello Ryan.. after reading your helpful article, I thought that it would be nice if I share with you my first experience concerning SP. It happened last night (5th May 2013). I went to bed at 2am. I don’t know the exact time did it occurred but this is what I remember : I felt a hand is touching my right butt. At this moment, I knew something’s wrong because I was sleeping alone on my bed. Ever so slowly, I shoved my right hand towards my butt to find out what was actually touching it. I felt it was a man’s hand as it is large & rough, then I started to feel sharp nails….. At this point, I know that this is the devil. Somehow I continue to let him touch because I enjoy it. Things couldn’t be better when I let myself in…… He started to take advantage on me. He made me paralyse. He was lying next to me and I saw a hideous face of a man with no skin. His face looks like it was burnt for a long time. I struggled to get away from him. I was truly, scared that time. So I prayed to Jesus and Mother Mary until it went away.
Just for your information Ryan, I always have SP when I am asleep . It has occurred to me eversince I was 12yrs old. Well, it never stops. I am 19 now. I am a devoted Roman Catholic.
Ryan,
thank you for the post!
I ahd the same dream aa couple of days ago..
Usually i have these wiht a non-human form,, shadows, etc..
But this one was exactly as you mention, I saw a skinless face as if burnt off, and floating hands to go with it, but no other part of the body…
he was doing some kind of screaming gesture?
I was so scared! This has been one of the worst oens especially since I sleep alone now.. Im wondering if aanyone has filmed themselves???
I first experenced sleep paralysis around 4 years ago, the first time was terrorfieing! But now im totally obsessed by it.. why does it only happen whilst lieing on your back?.. why cant i even scream? Every expreirience is different.. sometimes a little old woman standing by my head, trying to turn my head to see her is inpossible.. sometimes a face looking down on my like an invissible spirit lying ob top of me.. sometimes its across the other side of the room.. in the form of black smoke! All together the scariest thing ever but im so interested! I would love it to be something more than just a state of sleep!
maybe a spirit looking out for me.. my gurdian angel? maybe ile beable to talk to them one day! Im not a weirdo.. just realy fassanated!
I’ve been having sleep paralysis for a while now. It has a lot to do with PTSD, i was emotionally and physically abused for years and a lot of it had to deal with demonizing my entire sense of sexuality. At first it started out as horrible things, skeletons with glowing eyes, weird creepy midgets grinning at me maliciously, intruders in my apartment and even stranger waking nightmares. It happened on nights i felt the most powerless about my sense of intimacy.
I’ve recently come to a greater acceptance of myself and i’m happy to see how these dreams have changed. They’re no longer night terrors anymore, they’re happy for the most part. I woke up hugging a dog, then realizing i didn’t own a dog pushed it away and it nipped me a bit before disappearing. I had my pet chinchilla visit me from the afterlife. I woke up clutching a beautiful naked brunette, kissing her neck. I saw the dimly lit shape of lesbians having sex on my table. I no longer try to escape these visions, more just sit back and enjoy them. They’re just projections of myself, and i’m glad to see my unconscious finally accepts me back.