The Succubus Reconsidered: Sexuality in Sleep Paralysis
Posted by Ryan Hurd on June 25, 2010
This piece about sexual spirit encounters and ghost rape is adapted from chapter 6 of my ebook Sleep paralysis: a dreamer’s guide.
The historic fears of succubi and incubi must be reconsidered in light of contemporary psychology. As the medical community disregarded the narratives of sleep paralysis until David Hufford’s ground-breaking work in the 1970s, we would be making the same mistake if we chalk up the old tales of sexual demons to “merely legend.”
Modern dreamers still have sexual experiences in sleep paralysis, and ghost rape is still whispered about in anonymous and private settings. I have already discussed how alien encounters are one popular interpretation of the sensations of being forcibly touched by an entity (seen and unseen) while paralyzed in bed. Other cultural interpretations today include demons of the devil (evangelical Christianity) and a visit by the spirit form of a dark magician (indigenous shamanism).
Jungian psychologists may interpret spectral rape as a “vampire complex,” representing an imbalanced relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, or perhaps hinting at memories of incest. Dreamers with a history of sexual abuse may be more likely to experience flashbacks during sleep paralysis/hypnagogic hallucinations (SP/HH). Similarly, survivors of trauma also may incorporate flashbacks into HH.
However it is viewed, I think it is important to not “interpret away” the actual encounter. These things happen, and they are a natural, although disturbing, part of human experience.
We’re Wired for Sexual Dreams
The physiology of the dream state may be one reason why sexual content is so often reported. In the REM state, our muscles are in paralysis but the body is in a state of excitement. Even though sleep paralysis doesn’t feel like a dream, it has been shown in the lab that the experience occurs during REM intrusion after awakening or just after falling asleep. In REM sleep, whenever it occurs, men typically get erections, and women’s genitalia become engorged. Orgasms have been documented countless times in dream labs, and in sexual lucid dreams it is possible to experience orgasm too. Dreaming sleep is simply a sexy place to be.
Even when we are scared, and sometimes because we are scared, sexual excitement does not diminish. Sexuality and terror are deeply intertwined, neurologically speaking. So it’s not that outlandish to believe the medieval court documents in which men tell of being forced to have sex with mysterious she-demons and witches, even though this testimony was used in service of misogyny and the destruction of indigenous religious practices.
Positive Sexual Encounters in SP/HH
However, some sexual SP/HH encounters are not necessarily unpleasant. For dreamers who do not have a traumatized past, sexual play during hypnagogic hallucinations can be healthy and exciting. This was brought to my attention when one reader from my website admitted that he cherishes the ephemeral spirits who approach him at night. He reports excitement, pleasure, and mental orgasms during his SP-induced hallucinations. He does not seek these escapades but does not seem to mind too much, even though he admits it somewhat weird that the “spirit” sometimes is not altogether human.
In the book Dark Intrusions, Louis Proud also has collected reports of spectral sex that are erotic, albeit deeply weird. As with lucid dreaming, sensuality can be safely explored in this private mental arena.
I don’t treat these experiences like a “fantasy world,” however. There are always psychological repercussions to any act, thought, or way of being. Also, as with lucid dreaming and waking life, these encounters can be more pleasurable if they are not goal-oriented, but rather based on intimacy and consensual action. If the encounter gets too weird, or compromises your safe boundaries, you can always wake up from sleep paralysis.
Spiritual Bypass and Chi Sucking Vampires
Close up of Henry Fuseli's classic incubus in "the Nightmare"
As with all vision-states, one can become “addicted” to the inner adventure at the expense of healthy waking life. Psychologists call the unhealthy drive for ecstatic states “spiritual bypass,” and this concept may be at the root of the historically noted danger of falling in love with the spirits and nymphs of the inner world. After all, what ordinary and flawed human partner can compete with an alluring fantasy lover who comes only at night?
Sexual demons can reveal patterns in our romantic life, especially concerning how we give of ourselves. For men, repeated encounters with “sexual vampires” who seem to suck up inner resources or willpower may be reflective of an unhealthy sexual pattern in waking life. This encounter illustrates a “leak” of life force that may be unsustainable.
For women, not being able to stop the sexual advances of a night demon may be indicative of difficulties in drawing firm boundaries or deciding who is allowed to “enter your sphere.” Of course, these visions of energy imbalance (of chi-sucking and demon rape) can work for either gender, depending on character, personal history, sexual orientation, and gender identity.
In spite of these dangers, rest assured that in the 21st century no one will condemn you in a court of law for having intercourse with a night elf or a water pixie.
For more about the positive, and even life-changing, possibilities of sleep paralysis and hypnagogic visions, check out my ebook Sleep Paralysis: A Dreamer’s Guide.
I’m also still collecting accounts of sexual encounters during SP/HH for my ongoing research (positive, negative and the deeply weird). Contact me using the form on my contact page. As always, I promise anonymity if you choose to share your experiences with me.
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last night when I was asleep, I dreamt of my stepfather which was dead already while I was sleeping then I felt like I was being raped because I felt that excitement and when I woke up my private part started bleeding.. So I was just very curious why I felt that way because I have no past of being raped before.
Interesting, it sounds like your body/mind created a story around the beginning of the menstrual cycle. If I were to work this dream, I would ask myself, “How did my late stepfather relate to my menstrual cycle or my process of becoming a woman in general?” there may be some connections there.
The other night i had an experience. I have had some dreams in my life or attacks, but none like the other night. I was asleep and I woke up, at least i thought I was awake. I looked around the room and out of no where a dark figure came and laid on my chest. I couldn’t move. Now normally when I had these things happen I always rebuked it in Jesus’s Name. But I didn’t this one. It started to have sex with me. I couldn’t move I could just look to my left and right and not my front. I, however, strangely did not mind what he was doing. I remember seeing his dark hand, and trying to look at the bottom of him but couldn’t. He continued to have sex with me, all the while i knew what was going on and enjoyed it, strangely. After the sex was done, he left and i continued to dream more. Why was this one different from other “attacks” that i have had? Why did i enjoy it and not rebuke it this time?
hi Mae,
thanks for sharing! I’m not sure why this was different — my guess is that perhaps you’re becoming more comfortable with sleep paralysis and HH, and did not feel endangered. As you’ve read above, it’s quite normal to have erotic feelings during REM and sleep onset, so it seems your ability to relax and go with it resulted in a pleasurable and lucid SP dream episode.
I have had these sexual, paralysis experiences probably monthly, since I was a teen. I use to get scared and fight, now in my forties I actually relax and enjoy. There have been some experiences that hurt,grip and pull a little too hard, but they seem to not be so bad once I go with the flow and relax.
Recently I did have a “dream intruder” that was extremely rough and spoke to me that he would stop only when I experienced an orgasm. I had to relax and concentrate on the sexual experience that was painful, but finally did have an orgasm. My intruder quickly left and I had the feeling he did not find release, but just had wanted to humiliate me. Really bothered me for days after. Never had one that only wanted my release not his!
Ravenmichelle,
wow… that’s intense. thanks for your bravery in telling this story. I would not be too judgmental about this event — like all dreams, our minds are more free and offer up creativity and fresh horizons — as well as reminders of pain from the past. As such, these encounters may offer reflections on our current relationship to sex, something from the past that is asking for healing, or may even point towards new vistas in exploration with partners. Everyone has their own relationship to humiliation: for many, it is a turn-on and can be safely added into the lovelife, aka BDSM. This stuff is literally the cutting edge of consciousness research,and no one has the final word, so I’m just laying out the possibilities for safe self-exploration here.
Thanks Ryan..
Never really explored the possibilities of reflection these encounters could be pointing to. I had a good childhood and mostly positive sexual partners. I do sometimes question why I have had these intense sexual “dream intruders”, since I was a teen? (And the fact they have gotten more intense over the years)…
The last one I wrote of was different from the rest…This intruder spoke to me and that had never happened before….was actually kind of scary and intimidating.
When I was about 18 I woke to find something was making love to me. He was dark and although I could not move to see all the detail of his face I was awear that there was a lake of defenition. For one thing he had no outer ear. However, I had the feeling if I could see him he would have been perfect! He was black, not like normal human black but true black, just the colour and his muscles were very hard.
I felt two opposite things, 1.that I was floating just above my body and 2. that he was very heavy on me.
I had the feeling he had been looking for someone and was greatful to have found me. It was very enjoyable and after it felt as if I sank back into my body and he became lighter and slowly driffted away. All the time I felt as if he was greatful. The SP continued but I fell back to sleep. It was so real I checked the doors for intruders in the morning.
A few times since i have had mild SP but nothing like this. Usually I feel a presence (not nice) and hear whispering, like they are laughing at me. always out of site (I can see but not move). Anyone who has been through this will know how scary it is. However, it is normally when I am tired or my sleep patterns have been changed.
[...] encounters still happen today, and according to the accounts I’ve collected, they are not necessarily unpleasant. These [...]
I’ve been in daily encounters with my incubus who wants me to call him master. I believe I manifested him from my “sex slave” fantasies. I always told myself that there is no way I could manifest this type of thing since I am in my 40′s and living a stable life, until I began feeling pulls on my legs and twitching feelings and pushes on my body and finally sex. The sex was often very stimulating to where I became obsessed thinking about it for days. But I also was sore a few times. He says it is “pain and pleasure”. I asked them “why” and he said “initiation”. Another time I asked, he said “training”.
I tried to quit a few times by doing a whole bunch of stuff. I have onions and garlic in every room of the house, I’ve used frank& myrrh, sage, protection oils and incense, banishing pentagram, filled myself with white light, I called to Jesus and God and the angels, etc.
I believe I would have to really not want it for a long period of time (at least 30 days) and I can’t seem to and always give in. Once when I vowed to stop, my incubus complained and another more aggressive incubus came in and was very aggressive with me sexually asking me who was in control and I would feel submissive and enjoy it and change my mind. They appear in my awake dreams as very intelligent and in control and attractive.
If anyone has similar experiences and wants to talk about it, please email me at lf2582@verizon.net. Thank you.
I usually tend to have a lot of nightmares and usually they wake me up and scare me really bad. However, a few weeks ago I dreamt that i was awake but i could see myself at the same time?… however i was paralyzed and couldn’t move bc there was someone in the room with me…although i could not see them i wasn’t all that scared, i just wanted to see who was in the room watching me. also the other night i dreamt of a man…he was almost like half demon half man and even though i knew he was evil i was not afraid of him in the slightest. instead he grabbed me and hugged me and was kissing me and i felt in love with him. i have not been able to stop thinking about the dream and in fact i have a longing to see him again and i am just curious as to what this means
Blake,
SP entities can take the shape of doppelganger figures, also known in medieval times as the “etheric double.” these days we know these figures archetypally as self-like entities, and when they are demonic, as shadow figures. These figures can also be tricksters, so be careful what you “freely give away” in the next set of dreams. On the other hand, there is a tremendous amount you can learn from these characters if you ask them how you can help them…
My boyfriend had a dream last night of a ‘ghost’ but it was me. He said other people in his home were scared, but he just went to his room and sat on his bed. He said I came in and he couldn’t really see me, but he felt me pushing him back on the bed and so on with the private part. I didn’t hurt him he said. We are currently apart, stuck a long distance from each other for another couple months. We have a great relationship still though, talk all the time, etc. I was wondering if it was maybe because of the distance, in his dream it made me a ghost (not able to physically see me, but knowing I’m there).
Had a sexual lucid dream last night. I amazingly became aware I was dreaming and became very exciting since I have known about lucid dreaming and never been as successfull before. I dont know how it happened, but I was surrounded by attractive girls that I know in real life! During the dream I felt as though right on the edge of conciousness. The girls starting playing with me, and I with them (feeling on eachother, touching, kissing) never went all the way but it was still fun especially the fact I had some control of my actions.
I am so freaked out and need help. I had the worst nightmare last night that didn’t feel like a nightmare. I was in my bed as normal and then all of a sudden the room began to spin and I couldn’t move or scream. I tried so hard to scream for my husband who was sleeping in the other room. I couldn’t see the ghost properly but he was strong and VERY angry. The rape was vicious and I am so upset and scared. Good childhood and marriage by the way. Husband thinks it’s a nightmare but I know it is more than that. NO pleasure whatsoever. It was like Ted Bundy scary. PLEASE HELP!
Hi Terrified, I’m sorry to hear about this. This experience is a kind of nightmare, but it feels very real. It’s not “just a dream” but a sleep issue that can include feelings strong enough to be labeled “death anxiety trauma.” And I don’ t have to tell you that it can shake you up. In the short term: move your bed to a new location if possible… even if just a inch. rearrange the room if possible – it will create a “fresh start.” Make clear to your husband that you’ll need reassurance for a while, especially feelings of safety and acceptance while going to bed. have him read this so he understands it wasn’t “just a dream.” Also, write the experience down and then burn it, or some other kind of ritual like this that destroys the dream. Long term: see if you can eliminate the stressors in your life identified in my sleep paralysis report (free download in the article I just linked to) that may have played a role in bringing this incident on. good luck… you’re not alone.
Hi, I have been having these weird sensual lucid dreams from the past 6 years or so. Half the time they do not feel like dreams actually. Most of the times i get these dreams in the afternoons than in the night. Once my body is relaxed and i am falling asleep there is a kind of current/buzzing feeling in my body and slowly it paralyses the body. I sense that something/someone is making love to me and I am responding to it. Sometimes I get real scared and try to snap out of it but then there are times I feel as though I enjoy it. The snapping out gets real tough as the more scared I get the more difficult it becomes for me to make my body respond to my brain signals. I try to scream but the scream never comes out as though the sound from my throat was cut off. I always get up scared, with a fast heart beat. And yes with very heavy eyes, as though its trying to pull me back into sleep. Sometimes this happens even with my husband sleeping soundly next to me. Kindly advise.
hi Su,
this has all the markings of sleep paralysis and hypnagogia. the buzzing is quite commonly felt. the sensual aspect sounds like it can be welcomed by you; I can’t advise you how to proceed, such a personal decision, but I suspect that energetically the sensuality can be healing as long as you stay relaxed and feel in control. just like sexuality in real life. If you ever feel you want to wake up, here’s a link to 9 ways to wake up from SP:
http://dreamstudies.org/2010/04/29/9-ways-to-wake-up-from-sleep-paralysis/
Hi, its not my first experience. I’m in the middle of my sleep and suddenly one part of my body will move (I thought it was just some kind of involuntary movement) but when i open my eyes i cant help not to scream coz i saw a human like creature (some kind of a shadow moving) beside me look like he is watching me but it fades as my consciousness completely back, it happen so fast. I know that im awake that time coz my father hear me scream. I was the only one sleeping in that room.
Heyy.. Im not sure of what i have.. I do become paralyzed and it feels like im awake because it takes place in my room.. It happens to me during the day usually in the summer when i tend to over sleep until like 11:30 am at most but i only oversleep because iwould stay up till like 2 or 3 in the morning when its day time i would feel a kind of buzzing and hear vibrations or screams and my head would hurt(this is is recently added symptom) at night i would feel something hot gripping me or being pressed on my body .. Today for the first time i felt my body actually sinking into the bed.. Idk how thats possible but i had my eyes closed cuz i was scared to see what was going on.. Another thing is that when it takes place during the day im usually really sleepy and cant keep my eys open but at night it happens when im trying to go to sleep usually after my sleep breaks or if i have to make trip to the bathroomI dont like it and i wanna stop it permanently.. Plsz advice me.. I dont want to be on medications
I thought I would share my dream experience here. I’ve had quite a few. But here’s the most memorable one.
One night I felt like I wasn’t safe in my bedroom. I asked my mother if it was ok to sleep next to her. I told her that i just had a disturbing feeling that something was to happen soon, almost like I was being watched.
As i slept next to her, I felt pressure on my chest. I then couldn’t breathe. I could feel that I was struggling by playing some sort of tug-o-war. Seconds later I was ripped out of my body. I entered somewhere of complete darkness. I could not see where I was but i could feel a presence around me. I knew if i didn’t get back into my body, whatever was there, would take over and I would be forever lost in that unknown world. I called out, almost yelped, and was back into my body. Right when i entered my body, I was able to breathe but i flung forward over the bed startling my mother. I immediatly began to weep because I was so frightened.
I’ve had experiences before. I get this feeling of just “knowing” and i am alarmed.Just like night of my birthday 9/10, during a dream i saw the numbers 9. 11 and 1 and thought they were lotto numbers. I see numbers in my dreams fairly often, its hard to decipher what it means. Usually the numbers on are doors, that i don’t open.
Last night I had a dream that i was in a room with other girls and a spirit/ghost attacked me and raped me and threatened that if i struggle that he would use a knife to do it instead. and in my dream somehow someone used a camera and the no one would believe me untill we showed them the photos and in one of the photos you can see his face and some of his body coming out of a wall…it was terrifying….anyone have any idea what this might mean? or why i had such a strange dream?
Might be useful to point out i have never been sexually abused or raped or anything near that)
hi, i had a dream that i was possessed by a demon and i raped my son. i took a stick and shoved it in my sons mouth ans started thrusting it. it felt like sexual intercourse because as he was dying in the dream it was like i was orgasming from it. and the thing is that i dont have a son, nor am i a mother. this dream was reallly weird, i could feel the darkness from being possessed plus the orgasms.
Your darkest fears and desires shall be played upon likea sweet fiddle.
I started liking it, controlling it, and exploring it. After the first few that scared the hell out of me and embarassed me. I read about it, to understand. I understand its normal and natural. But when do you ever get to play with your own mind and explore in dream land REM, and awake? It’s fascinating, sometimes extremely scary, but you learn to accept it, and tell whats real and not real. Once you master it you can wake yourself up, go back to it, and enjoy it. Or just lay back and let your amazing brain put on a show and feel the paralysis. Mine started with real life thugs threatening me, in real life that later played over to my nightmare. I woke paralysed them in my room saying, “that’s that b*tch”! It felt real I couldn’t move, I hyperventaled, tried to reach for my shot gun by my bed and realised how paralysed I was. I thought they stuck me with a needle. I continued through this horrific dream, hallucination thinking I was going to die a horrible gangbang death. When I woke all the way no one was there. I looked around the house and windows, looked at myself in the mirror, and said what the f*ck?! I had no clue, just assumed I had had the worst lucid yet paralysed dream ever. Recalling a real life scenario, I recently experienced in my waking hours. So it was still fresh in my memory. Later it happened through out the years many times I’d wake paralysed, screaming so I thought for my bf to wake me up. Really I was just mumbling and rocking around in the bed horrified lol. Later bf becomes a ex, I move to a new place. I start experiencing it again but allot. This time a whitish grey alien would take me sexually many times over and over from behind always. Sickest wet dream I ever had. I would feel the arousal, my vajayjay would clench up like a orgasm and quiver get so wet and I wake up after basically being raped in my sleep like wtf!? At this point I was versed in SP a bit now, it had been about 7 years since the thug SP experience. So I decided to learn to control it. By doing so I was able to experience things, see things, do things. I’d never experience awake. I started enjoying it wanting more. Not the sex or rape part, but the ability to create a dream or hallucination. It became like another portal of mysterious experiences, I could never share but with words. Lol I probably sound crazy telling this story. But its my brains work, and my willingness to want to go deeper. Lately I’ve experienced a dark Angel pulling me from my arms off my bed, I can feel his cold leather gloves tight around my wrists. I beg and plead please don’t take me! Put me back please! This one was more real than anybefore. After sometime of begging the dark Angel put my back safely in my bed. As if giving me another chance, I said “thank you Angel”. He left… That night was my first night taking temazepam. I woke Googled temazepam dreams and found Heath Leger the dark knight, and a tribute video on YouTube of his death. One of the tags was temazepam, which was in his system. F*cking crazy right! The next two were a bit twisted sexually, involving a knife, and other things. That was scary, I Googled that temazepam knife dream and found others that had experiences with it too. So crazy the sleep paralysis! I often wonder if there is more to it, a higher state of conciousness, or deeper meaning and connection to another dimension. Who knows… But that’s my story. Enjoy dream well! Sorry for my typos I’m on my cell.
Jennstar thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve come to see that what you’re experiencing is –although weird and decidedly creepy — an absolutely normal part of the human sexual experience. I appreciate your candor and believe me, so do the hundreds of people who read this post and do not comment.
I do think it’s an altered state of consciousness, and could be harnessed as a legitimate path to the divine. Have you ever read the visions of St Theresa or Catherine? ecstasy is the polite term of their visions of the dimensions beyond the ordinary!
I’m still collecting reports of these sort of events, so thanks again.
Hey, I got a good chuckle out of your response! *grinning Anyways no I haven’t heard of those visions. I will definetly check it out, do you have good sources? Thank you for your fast response. I wanted to recap on the other nights repeating SP episodes. I ate a extremely large amount of garlic in my split pea with garlic soup, and in my salad. I’m talking cloves +10 anyways I should have known not to eat garlic even a few hours before bed. Garlic induces sleep paralysis!!! Hey since you shared the vision info. You should Google garlic and why you shouldn’t eat it. Im Italian, love garlic. But have learned it actually is looked down upon by Taoist, Shaman, Buddhist, Native Americans, etc. It is a poison to the brain, and negates meditation and opens you up to things like sleep paralysis and incubus and sucubus. The steal our chi our life force everytime we are terrorized with SP they say. Anyways chat ya later Xx, Jennstar
Today for some reason I decided to research about sleep paralysis and could not believe so many other people have experienced it as well.
I have in some way or another have experienced SP my whole life. Mainly I feel like I cannot move and there is someone in the room who I cannot see. And in my mind I’m 100% it’s some sort of spirit. I’m usually terrified and I would always make myself wake up by moving my body left to right repeatedly.
I’ve also experienced some sexual situations, like being raped and not being able to do anything abt it.
But the other day it was truly awkward. I was staying in a hotel room, it was early morning and I was having sex with this invisible man and I was enjoying it, but eventually I freaked out, knowing it was a ghost, and made myself wake up. This was all so weird I don’t even know what to think…
I’m sorry, I have lucid sexual dreams some fantastic some scary but I am not afraid of them. They have caused me no harm
I love the experience and the adventure!
In fact, if there was a way to help a person to train to induce these dreams I sure would like to know.
Anyone have any ideas on a HOW-TO please let me know.
Delta
Inducing sleep paralysis is not hard when you’re already prone to it, and asking for a visitor is akin to setting an intention in lucid dreaming. this article may be of help:
http://dreamstudies.org/2011/02/08/3-techniques-for-transforming-sleep-paralysis-into-a-lucid-dream/
I’ve had many episodes before. The last time was like 4 months ago. It got so bad to the point where the demon presence would try to kill me. I could tell it was a man, he dragged me and tried to drown me and choke me. Ever since I moved, I hadnt had one until last night. Just like the others, this time I couldnt see who it was but it was raping me. At first I enjoyed it a little bit but then it hurt like hell. The presence went to far. i finally got out of the episode but I dazed of again. It happened again until I just didnt sleep for the rest of the night. My question is: is this my conscience taking over my mind and body? or the same demon? Im only 17 years old.. still a virgin.
Hi Yenifer,
our fears can often take the form of “demons.” It’s natural to have fears about sexuality; the important thing is to cultivate safety and consensuality in dreams and waking life.
check out this article on ways to reduce sleep paralysis hallucinations:
http://dreamstudies.org/2011/04/12/10-ways-to-prevent-sleep-paralysis/
and this article on ways to wake up from sleep paralysis quickly:
http://dreamstudies.org/2010/04/29/9-ways-to-wake-up-from-sleep-paralysis/