Visitation dreams: When the Veil between Worlds is Thin
Posted by Ryan Hurd on October 29, 2009
With Halloween on its way, it’s high time to take a look at visitation dreams, or dreams we have of the departed.
For hundreds of years, early November (conveniently poised between the Fall Equinox and the Winter Solstice) has been celebrated as a time of harvest and plenty, and also a time when the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead is thin. Is it the death of summer, the lengthening nights, or the dark knowledge that some won’t make it through the hard winter to follow?
Who can say, but the metaphor connecting the harvest and the dead is part of the myth of agricultural societies around the world, as disparate as the ancient Celtic cultures with their celebration of Samhain and the Mexican celebrations of the Day of the Dead.
Spirits and Dreams Go Way Back
It’s no secret that a preferred method of contact with the departed in these bridging times is through dreams and hypnagogic visions. As writer Robert Moss has noted, the dead come calling for different reasons, and not all of them seem to be about satisfying the grief process, as some psychologists have wanly suggested.
In fact, dreams of the dead can differ wildly in content, emotional embrace, and timing. Perhaps something else — something a little more ancient – is at work.
Historically-speaking, dreams of the dead are some of the earliest transcribed accounts of dream life. Aristotle mentioned them, as did Lucretius, in part to comment on the widespread folk psychology that the characters in people’s dreams actually seem to be the spirits of the departed.
Don’t forget that in the ancient world Thanatos (God of the Dead) and Hypnos (God of Dreams) are brothers. I could go on to cite ancient China and Egypt, as well as hundreds of contemporary indigenous cultures, who also have made the link between dreams and ancestors, but suffice to say that dreams have always been noted as a natural place for the deceased to mingle with us.
Mythologically speaking, dreams take place in the underworld of our minds. Cognitively speaking, themes of mortality, depression, and sickness outnumber themes of happiness, bliss, and rapture in dreams 4 to 1. It would seem we are predisposed to go down the dark road when we dream –- in fact, one recent dream research study found that the longer a dream narrative is, the more negative in theme and emotional content it becomes. The road to the land of the dead is paved with strong emotions, both positive and negative.
But Aren’t Dreams Made of Cinnamon, Spice and Everything Nice?
I love to bring this point up, because our culture defends itself against the dark truths of dreaming cognition with the cheap belief that dreams are light & fluffy, random, and mostly about our mother’s sex appeal. And what to make of the Euro-American re-scripting of the very word “dream” to mean idle fantasy, wishes of kisses, and hopes of happiness?
But behind the strained smile of the newscaster’s sound bite, there is an uncomfortable silence. It is in this silence, before being laughed off as “what a crazy dream!” that the power of the dreaming mind takes hold.
Common Traits of Visitation Dreams
Meanwhile, ordinary people around the world continue to have visitation dreams that greatly affect them. Some say the dreams actually change their lives forever. According to Kevin Kovelant, a consciousness studies professor at JFK University, visitation dreams often have these features:
- The dream feels more real than the usual dream: more clarity, focus, and steadiness of mind.
- A “felt sense” that the person is really them, not just a memory. “That was grandma – I know it was her.”
- Very little plot: usually the dream narrative consists of the interaction between the dream ego and the figure of the deceased person.
- Strong emotions are commonly reported: love, forgiveness, anger, fear.
- A “physical” touch between the spirit and the dreamer, usually a hug or a reaching out.
- The deceased dream figure often looks younger and healthier than when they passed on.
- Sometimes accompanied by the feeling of “weight” or “presence” on the dreamer’s bed.
Dreamworker Robert Moss breaks down visitation dreams into 13 themes. Here’s my favorites from Moss’s interesting book The Dreamer’s Book of the Dead.
5 Reasons Why We Dream of the Dead
The spirit comes for forgiveness – either to give it or asking for it.
The spirit brings a warning related to the dreamer’s health.
The spirit bring helpful information for the dreamer.
The dead has a message for the dreamer to pass on.
The spirit needs guidance from the dreamer.
But Is it Really Them?
Of course, the question begged is whether or not the dream means something about life after death, especially after the dream visitation passes on information that the dreamer did not previously know and is later verified. These uncanny stories will never convince a skeptic… until the skeptic gets a knock on the dream door himself.
Kovelant, who is lecturing about visitation dreams on Halloween in Fremont, CA, recently related the following documented story:
In 1925, a North Carolina man awoke from a dream in which his late father — looking very much alive — instructed him to “find my will in my overcoat pocket.” Checking the pocket, the dreamer discovered a note leading him to a certain chapter in the family Bible. Between two pages in that chapter, the will was cached, according to 1927′s Proceedings of the Society for Psychical Research.
Kovelant also has noted that there has been little serious research into the actual phenomenon of visitation dreams. Rather, most publications use the subject to advance (or denigrate) a pet theory on the nature of the universe, such as the existence of an after-life, or of the possibility of soul travel.
More often than not, of course, is the cultural narrative that dreams of the dead are “part of the grieving process.” This perspective does have validity, of course: dreams of the recently passed can be very comforting to mourners. These bereavement dreams are surely a sub-set of what we largely clump together as “visitation dreams” today. However, sometimes the visitation dreams comes 20 to 30 years later….long past the traditional “stages of grief” have passed.
Early in the 21st century, visitation dreams invite more questions than answers. And as the veil between worlds grows thin tonight, maybe you should prepare yourself for a visitation.
You won’t be alone.
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Dreams do seem to be mainly about threatening situations. A Finnish scholar Antti Revonsuo has in fact put a theory about the issue called Threat Simulation Theory of dreams.
The main idea being that since people dream mainly of threatening situations there must be some explanation for this in our biological evolution. Maybe we practice threatening situations in dreams in order to cope with them better if we meet them while awake?
If you are interested I would recommend the following work for a lengthy introduction:
Threat Simulation- The Function of Dreaming? A dissertation study by Katja Valli (2008):
https://oa.doria.fi/handle/10024/42466?locale=len&author=
There is a downloadable pdf of the study in the page.
Anyway as Ryan stated the dead visitation dreams will never convince a skeptic about the after-life question. Too bad there are only anecdotal stories about encounters that bring new information for the dreamer. It is quite easy to make other explanations about how the dreamer got the information if there is no controlled study setting.
Self-respecting scholars won’t start this kind of studies because nothing worthwhile has been discovered on the studies done so far.
-Olli Erjanti
thanks for commenting Olli. I am a big fan of Katja and Antti’s work – I wrote a piece about their theory here.
Clearly, our ancestors are those who were good dreamers, but we are still missing the crucial mechanisms that account for how dreaming improves learning/memory.
But there are actually some excellent scientific studies that are peer reviewed and with statistically significant results that indicate that anomalous information does come through dreaming cognition. (Not this this directly answers the “life after death” question, of course). Check out Charles Tart’s “the End of Materialism” for a very readable review of the last 30 years of research into parapsychology. The truth about mainstream science treatment of anomalous psychology is that “a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.”
I found it very interesting that you would talk about the book “The Dreamers Book of the Dead” because I was just talking with a professor about dreams and she said I should read some of the writings from Robert Moss. It was kind of cool to see that come up on your site a few days after I looked up Robert Moss and his writings. At any rate, its something that always dumbfounded me why individuals dream of the after life or dead friends and family. I think your article helps further my understanding and has me asking more questions.
synchronicities like this is what dreamwork is all about Lee!
I dont know what to think my mom has passed away almost three years ago now and i loved her she was a abused wife all her life by my dad mental physical ect. I dream of her every now and then never good always she is a zombie she dies with her eyes open we forgot to bury her ect. I have only had one dream i was talking to her on the phone all others are terrible. she smells like rotten meat when i get close. I wish i knew what this is telling me. she was a good christian woman but always evil is what i dream could someone help me?
Sarah,
sorry I couldn’t respond sooner — I’ve been out of internet range for several weeks as I moved. Your dream is powerful and seems metaphorically to suggest that – if it were my dream – she has not been properly ‘dressed for burial.’ This could mean a number of things, including your own conflicting feelings that have not been put to rest and possibly family secrets that still moulder in the air and need to be seen and then disposed of properly. I don’t know your situation, but perhaps more ritual at the memorial garden or more prayers at night in which you call out the hardships she endured and thank her for her strength and honor her for her suffering. Many people have trouble with their own feelings while grieving, especially if on the face of things we’re supposed to be happy for those who have passed on because they are in a better place, so honoring your own feelings and giving yourself space to grieve, be angry or sad, and really touch the ground can be helpful for this long process. warmly, RH
thank you so much. i do believe what you said. our family is a very dysfunctional one . i am considered the only one that is sane in the family as my counselor has told me. my brother is a pedophial my sister is a compulsive liar as i am always the one that is lied about.my dad is a very sick man mentally and physically. he has cheated with women on my mom while she was living. yes i so believe what you said about her suffering and i sometimes feel angry that she let it happen to her and all of us and stayed with my dad. maybe i am also angry at her for this. i dreampt the other night she was in a room on a be laid her body and on a couch she also sat. i left the room to get something or do something and when i came back there she sat on the couch dead with her eyes open on me. then i had a more pleasant dream of her she and i were sitting with our feet in this clear running water it was warm on our feet. i think i thought it would somehow heal her cancer but not sure but it was a more calming dream. i am sure another bad one will come soon as it always does. my mom was cremated and my sister took her ashes so i will pray like you advised and hopefully this will help me. i do not see any of my family as they always back bite me in some way. thank you so so so much for caring. may god bless you in many ways. sarah
Sarah,
that second dream offers a clue for a meditation to help cleanse away the “foul-smelling” dreams. Clear running water. Next time you pray, or whenever you want to give your mom positive attention, focus on that clear running stream. Imagine the water, how it feels, running over your feet and her feet. Imagine it washing away all the negativity, hurt, and pain. It’s still important, of course, to let yourself feel your pain and anger, but it seems to me that this imagery is what your dream unconscious has suggested for cleansing the hurt when you are ready.
take care, Ryan
hi again ryan again another disturbing dream. i drempt i was lookin in a drawer and found 2 silver dollars the date on the was 1984 then suddenly my heart ached for her. i cried and cried so hard just like it was the day it happened. i then took the coins to a shop where this man was a sheriff from the western days he said they were worthsss seven dollars and fifty cents now. a man came in and stole one of them. then i went down to a room where people were watching a westren show my mom was a actactor in the movie. then i relized she again was passed on and i cried and cried again so hard. today i am carring this sadness with me do dpepressed feeling over everything. god how can i get tbhese dreams to stop.? i am so tierd of these terrible dreams. i have tired counsling ect nothing is helping any ideas i juat dont know if maybe my mom is telling me something and wont let go
Hi Sarah,
I’m sorry to hear how you’re suffering. If this were my dream, even though the dreams are painful, I’d think it is good sign I am now grieving in the dream itself. Emotional dreams that are so transparent can have a cathartic effect — in other words, these dreams are moving through a grieving process… a painfully slow one. Also, if it were my dream, I’d notice how once again how male figures are “taking” from my relationship with my mother — a critical voice that says “This isn’t valuable!” and another who steals the coins altogether. Even though Mom is gone, the dreams reveal energies and patterns that are still present.
Therapists who work with dreams in your area may help: not all therapists do work with dreams, so shop around and ask this upfront. Many are available for a small fee or on a sliding scale. Also there may be dream groups in you area (see this list for regional contacts for the International Association for the Study of Dreams:
http://www.asdreams.org/idxmembership_contacts.htm
Because this is so personal, I also invite you to contact me privately by email to continue the discussion: http://dreamstudies.org/about/
I am so glad to have found this site. It verifies and matches the visitation dreams I’ve had. My partner passed away in September 2009. I’ve had only 2 visitation dreams from him, one about a month after he passed away, the other about 6 months after he passed away. The first one occurred in the kitchen of the house I was staying in, the last one was in the bed I was sleeping in while it happened. In both dreams I could literally feel his skin like it was in real life. In the first one we just hugged, I said I was so happy to see him and that was it. The second one, I was lying on my side in bed when suddenly I felt arms around me. I turned over and he was lying there, smiling at me. I said to him “I can actually feel your arms around me!” And he just smiled so widely at me. He looked so happy, and just the same as he did before he passed away. (It was sudden so he was healthy before he passed). We just hugged and said I love you. I said to him “will you wait for me?” and he said “of course I will”. Then I felt him “pulling away”, saying he had to go. I didn’t want him to but he left and then the dream ended. I woke up remembering it all very clearly. It was quite a simple, quick dream, but meant so much to me. I pray every night to have another.
I have had 3 dreams of my late ex fieance. 1st one the day after he died.. N this dream I was on the phone fighting with his sister and then I hung up and he called me asking me what was going on. And I was trying to explain to him, and he said hold on I’ll be right there. Well I looked around this room I was in.. A white kinda dim lit room and then I seen him pull up and when I open the door I just grabbed him and hugged him. I could feel him and smell him. And I remember everything he had on. But he was talking to me but he was just smiling and his mouth wasn’t moving but I could hear him.. He told me sry for everything and he said other things to me. But he was really sry and so I hugged him again and he said he had to go bc “she” was waiting for him.. Idk who she was if it was his new gf or what?? But then my latest dream I had was when I got to this place I told myself, ok u know when u find him u gotta ask him some questions and u can’t forget. So I went around this corner of this building and there he was working on something n back of a truck… So I stopped and just stood there and he looked up and smiled and said, “hey! U made it back” and I told him before I wake up I need to ask u a few things.. And he said ok. And I asked him if he still loved me. And he smiles and said yes I do. And then I asked him how is it where u are and he said that he was a little bored and I kinda looked at him like huh?? And he smirked and said I know right? And I remember asking these questions so fast bc I wanted to get them all out before I work up. So my last question was when am I gonna be with u again? And he said a month and a day of the week ( which I am not saying) and then he started to talk about this watch n this magazine. And explaining it and I was thinking to myself… Y r u talking about a stupid watch don’t u know we have limited time before I wake up? And I inturruped him and said is this real or am I n a dream!? And he laughed at me again and said.. U see this watch??? When u see this watch on this certain page ( he gave me a number) that will be ur sign… Then I just looked at him for a sec then I felt my self waking up.. Now I don’t know if I’m crazy bc he ment a great deal to me. Or if this is real. There’s more details on things but i just kinda gave u the run down on it. But most stories i read are the spirits coming to u not you going to them…